Naked porn sex wine
See? Even I can do it. Stick a provocative title up - a whole bunch of people will have a moment of shock, be curious, come and have a look, get bored, and sod off again. Disappointing, isn't it?
But sex sells whether you like it or not, and the Alabama Alcoholic Beverage Control Board (possibly one of the most condescending titles in the wine industry) doesn't like it. Well, to be exact, it didn't like the representation (note that word) of a naked woman and a bicycle on a wine label. So they banned it.
They found the image:
violated Alabama rules against displaying "a person posed in an immoral or sensuous manner."
I've never seen anyone look sensuous with a bicycle. Francois Truffaut might disagree, but I'm right. It's not possible.
And I don't know what kind of immoral things they get up to with bicycles in Alabama, but at least they're protecting the public from it.
But are they? Now, the people behind the Cycles Gladiator wine (Hahn Family Wines - that's a wholesome name isn't it?) are marketing the wine as 'banned in 'Bama' to the rest of the US.
Hahn said he will never miss the 500 cases sold annually in Alabama. "There is going to be a significant increase in our sales," he predicted.
Remember the word 'representation'? What if a winery puts a piece of abstract expressionism on its label and the Alabama Control Board thinks it sees a nipple somewhere in there? Do they ban it? I'll leave you to ponder representation...
And, returning to the thread, the following conclusion only proves that psychologists master the art of talking the flaming obvious:
Rosanna Guardagno, a social psychologist at the University of Alabama, said a ban often increases people's interest in a product.
"The ABC Board, without realizing it, is going to boost their sales," she said.
So well done the Alabama Control Board, you've managed to protect your citizens, ensure that whatever it is your state gets up to with bicycles remains a mystery, but totally corrupt the rest of the nation.
Yes, my tone is childish. But so are you.